This drives me crazy as a mum. Seriously. Strangers.
Right from the word go, almost as soon as a baby is born and you’re out in public, every stranger has something to say. They put their hands/arms…. faces in a complete unwelcome place and ‘goo and gaa’ over the baby.
Whilst I get it, well, actually that’s a lie, I don’t, I’m not particularly clucky, but on some level I understand the emotional pull that babies have. They’re new…squishy, cuddly..sometimes peaceful. But why does this give strangers the right to just reach in and touch? I just don’t get it.
One day, while shopping out with Chloe, she was only about 2 months old, I had her in the pram/capsule and she was all covered up and you couldn’t see in. I enter the lift and this lady says,
‘Oh you’ve got a little one in there!’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh how cute. Girl or Boy?’
‘Girl.’
‘What’s her name?’
‘Chloe.’
‘Oh she’s all covered up and you can’t see her.’
‘Yep, she’s sleeping.’
“Complete stranger lift lady” edges closer to the pram, about to place her hand on Chloe’s pram. I step a little closer.
‘Oh, so she’s sleeping?’ She asks inquisitively. You can see where this is going. This lady would like me to uncover the pram, and potentially wake up my sleeping baby so that she can have a look. Um say what now?
I cannot tell you how many people reached in when Chloe was little and touched her hand. Just the other day Chloe was sitting in the shopping trolley, putting on a quite a show mind you, babbling and smiling at the customer behind me. I get it, she’s cute…she’s extroverted. Cue the questions of how old…name… and then strange lady comes over and strokes her arm! Now I get it, (again) she wasn’t being mean or nasty, but seriously, at what point do people think it’s okay to touch someone else’s child? And at what age does this stop? Chloe isn’t public property.
My second point is the unwarranted comments and advice. Now this one really gets me! Actually, this is the one that I have to exhibit the most self control over. Chloe attracts a lot of attention. I don’t know if it’s more than other children or less. I have no comparison. But sitting in cafes, walking through the shops people often stop me and want to talk about her. Now if I had a dollar for the amount of times someone says to me, ‘Oh she looks tired’, I probably wouldn’t have to worry about working ever again.
What drives me crazy about these comments and these people is that they are basically insulting my daughter! Just think about it, you walk into work in the morning and imagine the very first thing that is said to you is, ‘Oh don’t you look tired today!’ Oh nice, thanks for the lovely greeting.
I even get complete strangers saying this to me and it’s the only thing they say. Happens when I’m standing in line or browsing the shops, and sometimes at church! The one and only thing they say is the fact that Chloe looks tired.
Now I’ve never had someone give me advice on bottle feeding (though I’ve had a few interesting stares about that), or using a dummy. The other day I fed Chloe the cream that was on the side of a dessert (she loves cream) while out, and I’m sure there were a few interesting glances about that one. At least the stares don’t come with a comment. Some people have the good sense to keep quiet.
I have even had a gym clad wearing yummy mummy offer me sleep advice outside the toilets while shopping one day! I mean seriously!
Why do mums do this to each other? If I happen to be near another mummy while out and a conversation begins I usually just comment on how cute or handsome said baby is. Or that I like their outfit!
But the ‘She looks so tired’ comment is getting very tired. And here’s the crux of the matter. When you say this to someone you don’t know, you have no idea about that child or what their history is. For Chloe, to me, I find it rude. My daughter has a syndrome. Sometimes, children with this syndrome have certain facial characteristics; such as a flattened nasal bridge, wider set eyes and ptsosis (droopy eyelids). Now because Chloe’s characteristics are so mild, people don’t immediately jump to the conclusion that she has a ‘syndrome looking face’ (yes I said it). But she does look tired, a lot. Some days are better than others. On the whole though, she isn’t tired! It’s just the way her eyes are.
I would love to get into this rant to one of the strangers in the shops, and maybe one day I will, and it might stop that person from commenting negatively to anyone else about their child. Or I could comment negatively back, ‘oh really, yeah she’s not tired, but you’re looking a bit sick and pale today!’ Yeah okay, you know I’m not going to say that as tempting as it is.
Well rant over. I just wish more awareness was out there and people were more respectful of boundaries. Perhaps the comment, ‘Oh my, your little girl is so cute!’ would be more welcome and you could just leave it at that!
Chloe's story 