The last few years for our family has brought so many ‘times’. You know what I mean. The times that have brought lots of smiles and feelings of gratefulness. And the times when things were so hard you felt like even blinking was hard.
There have been times when we have struggled to keep up. Even a simple coffee out was too much to bear.
There have been times when the fog was thick it was hard to see what was in front.
There have been times when I’ve watched other families from a distance and wondered about their lives and how simple they must be (I know that this is a huge generalisation by the way!)
There have been times when I’ve been so sleep deprived that I put Chloe to bed with the lights on. That I’ve put the butter in the pantry. That I can’t even remember what happened during the night. Like if I actually fell asleep or if Chloe woke up.
There have been times I’ve questioned everything, and nothing.
There have been times I’ve sat beside Chloe’s bedside in hospital, listening to the beep of the machines in rhythm like that is some kind of normal.
There have been times when I’ve wondered why us? Why now?
There have been times when church has been too much. When therapy has been too much. When the days were really hard, and there was no point in counting down until bedtime because sleep wouldn’t be forthcoming.
There have been those days.
There were the days when Chloe first walked! Rejoice!
There have been days when she ate and ate and ate! Amazing.
There have been days like today. Where we all snuggled in bed this morning with tickles and giggles, including the dog (how did that happen?) Where Chloe willingly ate some food and went to bed without too much resistance.
There was the day last week, when I mentioned that we could go to the beach and she collected her bucket and spade (how did she even know that?)… and she walked willingly on the sand and collected rocks and shells, with delight and intrigue.
Like today, when before her bath she said ‘cuggle’ and pointed to where Daddy was lying down. And off she toddled, nudie rudie and all to give Daddy a cuddle before her bath and bed. Makes my heart swell.
Like today, when she happily played at her grandparent’s house while we had time together. So rare. So good.
There have been times when I’ve questioned everything, and I’ve needed to. And days like today where I question nothing.
More hard days will come, that’s for certain. But for now, I’ll take the easier days and rejoice in them. They feel good. They feel like normal.
Chloe's story 