Sometimes you want time to slow down. And there are certainly times when I’ve wanted time to speed up in the last few years… thinking, just got to get through this ‘valley’ because the view is probably spectacular on the other side – metaphorically speaking.
Right now, I want both. I want time to slow down because my little Chloe is not so little anymore, and yet, I want time to speed up so we can be past this next hurdle. The Fontan.
Chloe turned four this last weekend. Four. 4, or ‘door’ as she pronounces it trying to hold up four fingers to show me. She won’t answer anyone who asks how old she is, or what her name is. But she tries really hard to tell me when I talk about her birthday.
I cannot believe she’s four. And usually I spend her birthday in a mix of emotions but this year we were so busy. Always in the back of my mind I have this sense of never taking these sorts of milestones for granted.
I love that the Timehop app reminds of what happened on this day in the past. And it’s so real in my mind the appointments leading up to Chloe’s birth and the fear of the unknown. That emotion was so raw, the loss of control and the ‘not knowing’.
Four years on, I don’t dwell on that. At least I try not to. I often get asked what the future holds for Chloe and I really can’t answer that question. But I know that she continues to surprise and amaze us and I don’t take any of those things for granted.
Like…
‘ninning’… which is swimming. Chloe went in the pool with Daddy last week and she was so happy and excited. She even puts on her togs (swimmers for non QLDers!) and says ‘go ninning’… she knows. Only a year ago she was reluctant to get in the water but this time she couldn’t stop saying ‘more daddy more daddy’.
And horses… well, the horse obsession is real and doesn’t look like it’s going to phase out either! And that wonderful app reminded me that this time last year we abandoned horse riding as Chloe was just crying and crying. And now I have all my fingers and toes crossed that we get a spot with horseriding for the disabled on Saturday next year (we are on the wait list).
Chloe pony riding for her birthday
We took her to a local theme park for her birthday on the weekend. She ran around all the animals on telling them to ‘wake up’ and ‘pat pat’, it was a delight to see. The first time we tried this sort of thing she cried and didn’t want to walk anywhere near them.
Chloe with the kangaroos and below waiting patiently for the ‘ninnie gig’ guinea pig….
It is really all these little moments, that I know many parents do just take for granted. Because they seem like such normal parts of childhood. Swimming, patting animals, pony rides…talking even! But I celebrate each one. Each milestone in itself, each experience is bittersweet. Why? Because we never knew if we’d see them, we never knew if she’d experience normal childhood fun, we know many never get these with their children who sadly didn’t make these birthdays… we know they are awesome little moments.
And trust me, I don’t take them for granted. Nor do I take the sleeping in her own bed or not waking up for granted, or the meal she ate, or the food she tried or the time she surprised me with asking for milk, or water or chocolate!
Each time it brings a huge smile to our faces. To both Mike and I. We are so blessed she is just doing so well. But she’s still my baby and I kinda want her to slow down! Like most parents I suppose!
Happy birthday my sweet and quirky little munchkin.
Smile and photo courtesy of antics with her cousin!
Chloe's story 